


Nice guys finish last

by coldweathergal



Category: The Mentalist
Genre: F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:33:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23279434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldweathergal/pseuds/coldweathergal
Summary: "Okay," said Pike. "So, let's pretend to be in a relationship. Get him jealous, force him to say something." Lisbon was blown away by the simple brilliance of his plan. In these first heady moments she could even believe that the two of them would be able to pull it off. They were going to trick a trickster; they were going to pull a con on Patrick Jane.This is everything they DIDN'T show us in the last half of season 6.  (Totally in canon, I promise you.)
Relationships: Patrick Jane/Teresa Lisbon, Teresa Lisbon/Marcus Pike
Comments: 3
Kudos: 71





	1. 6x16 Violets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer - I do not own the Mentalist.  
> Having got that out of the way, I would like to mention two things: One, I have never been on a date, so I apologize if this or any other chapter seems stilted; two, I am not very good at writing from a man's perspective, so I hope Pike doesn't sound too much like the teenage girl I am.

Pike was relating a case from earlier in the month – a stolen Monet. The story was actually rather funny. The museum curator hadn't noticed that the replacement painting was fake; he had completely overlooked some blatantly wrong brushwork patterns. Or something like that. Lisbon wasn't sure. She couldn't for the life of her concentrate on the story. She was thinking about Jane sitting alone on his couch. Why was this bothering her so much? He had chosen – entirely of his own volition – to stay behind. Still, she felt bad that he had been the one to solve the case, yet he was the only one alone tonight. Why was it that she hadn't wanted him along, exactly? Looking across at Pike now, she couldn't remember.

She realized with a small start that he was looking at her expectantly. He had wrapped up his story and she hadn't even noticed that he'd stopped talking. She cranked her smile up a couple notches and swore inwardly. Any _normal_ woman would be enjoying this small break from the complicated mess that was her life. What was wrong with her? Well, she knew the answer to that one. She was in love with Jane, and he didn't appear to reciprocate.

Across the table, Pike was looking slightly puzzled. Lisbon blushed and cast her eyes down to her lap. She couldn't do this; she didn't want to. It really wasn't fair to him. Right now all it was was pancakes but he was obviously going to expect it to go somewhere. She would have to make it clear that this was nothing more than a light flirtation.

Pike smiled at her cautiously. "So what do you think of the pancakes? I told you they were good, huh?"

He looked so happy, so... hopeful, that Lisbon instantly felt disgusted with herself for having led him on so much. Then, because she hated hating herself, and because she'd been rather wrought up all evening, she blurted out exactly what was on her mind.

"You know, Marcus, this is fun, but I don't want you to get your hopes up," she said apologetically. "It'll never get serious between us."

Wow, she thought. _Very_ smooth. Yeesh. Mentally she slapped her forehead. Luckily Pike was far too much of a gentleman to make any sort of comment on her delivery.

"You mean there's something with you and Jane," he said instead, cutting straight to the heart of the matter.

Lisbon sighed and propped her forehead on her fist. What had happened to her nice, easy, care-free date? Oh that's right, she'd single-handedly ruined it. Irretrievably. Well, in for a penny, in for a pound, as they say, thought Lisbon. She looked up at Pike, suddenly tired.

"Actually, no," she answered him, though he'd phrased it as a statement.

He nodded. "So Wiley was right, then: you two aren't together." It was a question.

She was rather touched that he'd tried to find out if she was available. Too bad he couldn't have known that she was such an emotional wreck.

"I wish we were," she confessed bravely.

Pike looked at her sympathetically for a few minutes, then his eyes lit up. He seemed to be struggling not to let a huge smile spread across his face. Lisbon stared at him.

"I've got a plan." He leaned forward conspiratorily, the twinkle in his eye betraying a mind that revelled in devilish plots. Lisbon was once again taken aback. Although now she at least understood why Pike had wanted Jane's help, without being put off by the mountain of paperwork that inevitably accompanied it.

Having assured her complete attention, Pike elaborated. "You say he loves you, right?"

Lisbon reflected sardonically that she should, by this point, have gotten used to being blindsided by the mind-bloggling turns this conversation was constantly taking. And how in heaven's name should she answer? The question had been off-hand, but the answer was anything but.

She'd spent so many nights obsessing over that very question, deciding one way one night only to reverse her decision the next. Well, this entire evening had taken on an unshakeable air of unreality. Why not run with it, she thought. She looked Pike in the eye.

"Yes," she declared brazenly, resolutely pushing away all her uncertainties.

"Okay," he said. "So, let's pretend to be in a relationship. Get him jealous, force him to say something."

Lisbon was blown away by the simple brilliance of his plan. In these first heady moments she could even believe that the two of them would be able to pull it off. They were going to trick a trickster; they were going to pull a con on Patrick Jane.

"Let's do it!" she breathed.

Pike looked like a boy who has just discovered the world is made of chocolate. She could feel herself getting swept up in his enthusiasm.

"I think we'll need another round of pancakes to keep us going through the strategy session I feel coming on," Lisbon said.

Pike grinned appreciatively. Lisbon signalled the waitress.

An hour later they had set out a few plans of action. Nothing really special but Lisbon was truly enjoying herself for the first time in a long time.

"So tomorrow," Pike was saying, "you should take a cab to work.

Or would that be out of character...?"

He looked adorably worried. Lisbon was amused. Did he think he was casting aspersions on her character?

"No," she hastened to assure him. "I like the idea. Keep him guessing." An idea struck her.

"I'll say my car wouldn't start and he'll know I'm lying."

They grinned at each other. Then Pike looked at his watch reluctantly.

"I hate to be the one to break it up," he said, "but I really should get going."

"Yeah, me too," said Lisbon, realizing how late it was for the first time.

Pike drove her home and waited until she was safely inside before leaving.

Lisbon got ready for bed and fell asleep smiling. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt so in control of her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're probably bored with my author's notes, but I just want to know if anyone caught my Roald Dahl reference...


	2. 6x17 Silver Wings of Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the entire idea for this series because I couldn't believe Lisbon would be so callous as to say Pike would "understand" that she'd broken up with him to be with Jane.

"Well, you look pretty," said Pike appreciatively in what was the understatement of his life, as Lisbon slid into her seat. "What did Jane say when he saw you?"

"Oh, he said I looked beautiful. Then he told me to have a good time. And nothing else."

Pike noticed that Lisbon seemed slightly upset.

"Is that good or bad? I don't know him as well as you do.

"Actually," he amended, "I don't think anyone does."

"I'm not sure," she admitted. "He knows I don't go to restaurants like this, yet he didn't tease me about it."

Pike felt bad. The restaurant had been his choice. He hadn't thought to consult her. He didn't want her to feel out of her element; he wanted her to be having the time of her life. He sure was.

"Oh, we can go someplace else."

"No, no. Not at all." She waved his concerns away. "Change is good. Plus, it means I get to wear this dress, and Jane gets to wonder why I never did before. Wear a dress, I mean."

"Oh, so you're rarely seen in dresses, are you. That's a shame." Pike feigned disapproval. Lisbon blushed.

"Makes it hard to take down a suspect," she said by way of explanation.

"I imagine," said Pike shrewdly, "it's also because holding a position of authority in a male-dominated workforce would have made you cautious on that score."

He could tell that he was right, but also that Lisbon was uncomfortable with the topic. He tried to lighten the mood.

"It's sad, you know," he said thoughtfully. "In our enlightened age, you'd think men would no longer be sexist pigs."

Lisbon laughed. "I think it's in their blood," she said with a twinkle in her eye.

"No, no," said Pike. "You're supposed to say, 'Present company excluded.'" He winked.

"You know, you're right." There was a faraway look in her eye. "I really don't get it. They expect us to look good always... but not too good. Then it's 'distracting' and 'unprofessional'." She looked at Pike. "I remember one time..."

As she warmed to her story, Pike settled into the attitude of sympathetic listener.

They had finished their main course and she was halfway through a phillippic on a man from her CBI days, who wouldn't believe she was the leader of the team and had actually refused to talk to anyone but Cho, when she realized what she was doing. What _was_ she doing? She _never_ opened up about her difficulties. She had always hated showing her weaknesses. Yet, not only that, but she had just told Pike that sometimes these men made her feel inadequate, that she was banging her head on a brick wall, that she should give up.

She had never opened up to anyone like this. Even Jane had simply divined it, then, the one time he had brought it up, she had shut him down. How ironic, she thought with a smirk, that this should happen on a fake date. She wished she could tell Jane. She knew he'd appreciate the joke.

Why, she wondered idly, did she not feel like her privacy was violated? Wasn't that usual run of things in these situations? Maybe because this was a friendship, one they both knew would never develop romantically. Or, she thought as she noticed her empty wineglass (how long _had_ she been talking?), maybe because she was drunk.

On the other side of the table, Pike was looking at her carefully. She didn't seem to have anything further to say; he decided to change the subject.

"Well, I'm dying of curiosity," he announced. "How was Jane on the case? Did he mention us at all?"

"He didn't seem fazed with I arrived in the taxi," conceded Lisbon, "but when he figured out I'd had a really good time the night before, he _was_ rather surprised."

They shared a knowing look that lasted all of two seconds before before they burst out laughing.

"I don't think he guessed why."

"No," agreed Lisbon. "I don't believe he did. Oh, and he was definitely sulking when I took your call." Her eyes lit up delightedly.

"Was that _because of_ the call?"

"Yep! It's definitely our most effective tactic so far." She smiled cheerfully at Pike. This was turning out to be the perfect diversion while Jane got his act together. She couldn't believe how much she was enjoying Pike's company.

"Well, just keep telling me when to call." Pike grinned. "It's very entertaining on my end. I never can guess what you'll say next."

Lisbon grinned back. A companionable silence stretched out between them. Lisbon fiddled unconsciously with her napkin.

"What's up?"

Lisbon looked up with a slight start. "Oh. I was just thinking about earlier. Jane didn't say goodbye when I left. Now I'm trying to figure out if that's good or bad."

She gave a small laugh, the spark in her eye showing that she was fully alive to the humour of the situation. "I feel like I'm back in high school, dissecting my dates with my best friends."

Pike ignored this, choosing to focus on an earlier point. "Wait a minute, I thought he told you to have a great time. That doesn't count as goodbye?"

"Well, I was waiting for him to say more and he didn't, so after a few seconds I said goodbye. In a normal conversation, he would have said goodbye back, but he didn't; he just sat there, watching me walk away." She giggled. "Is that a country song? It should be."

Pike refused to get distracted by such suppositions. "From what you've told me, I think our best play would be to keep doing what we've been doing, but step it up a notch." He leaned forward. "I'll call tomorrow and set up another date?"

Lisbon nodded. "Just wait for my text. Jane's never at work on time."

They talked of sundry small matters until Lisbon noticed that Pike seemed almost distracted.

"You're dying to say something," she accused him with a smile. "Out with it!"

Pike looked slightly embarassed. "I was wondering if you'd want to spend the night with me."

The smile dropped off Lisbon's face.

"Now believe me," he added hastily, "I don't mean this is anything serious." His tone softened. "I just thought you could use some fun right now."

Lisbon was running through possible scenarios in her head. It was more appealing than she wanted to admit. Pike was right. She did want to have some fun, no strings attached.

"Besides," said Pike, "wouldn't Jane know right away? It might be enough to get him going."

That clinched it.

Much later, with Lisbon asleep at his side, Pike stared up at the ceiling. He didn't want Lisbon to waste her life pining after Jane. Lisbon seemed to find his conduct hopeful; Pike had no idea why. Either the man was a masochist or he had no romantic interest in Lisbon. He decided to wait and see how Jane would react to their having slept together. If nothing changed, he would do his very best to rescue Lisbon from what was obviously becoming an unhealthy relationship.

What would you call this, he wondered. A triple con? He had to make Jane believe that he, Pike, was in love with Lisbon; convince Lisbon that he _wasn't_ while letting her know it was a possibility; and somehow get her to figure out that Jane wasn't interested in her without appearing to interfere.

I'm going to need a list to keep track, was his last thought before falling asleep.


	3. 6x18 Forest Green

Lisbon was staring unseeingly out the window of the chopper. Their plan had gone wrong somewhere. Jane was trying very hard to throw her and Pike together. She wanted to talk to Jane, to shake some sense into him, but sometime during the two years he'd been gone, they'd forgotten how to hold a conversation.

Maybe she was in love with a memory. Maybe Jane knew this and was trying to help her move on.

Well, she couldn't fault his choice. She wasn't in love with Pike, but she'd never felt so comfortable with someone who wasn't a colleague before. No one could have been more surprised than she herself when she'd woken up in Pike's bed and didn't feel like taking off. Then she'd agreed to see him again that very night.

She swallowed. These thoughts were too heavy to be on her mind at 10 o'clock in the morning. She would text Pike, distract herself.

**10:07am**   
**What's up?**

Pike was staring unseeingly out the window of his office. He'd gotten a promotion. His own team. Higher pay. New city. Great opportunity.

Two weeks earlier? He wouldn't have hesitated. But now...

This was ridiculous. Why didn't he want to leave? It was Lisbon, of course. But come on. They could still keep in touch while in different cities. This was the twenty-first century. There were a million ways of communicating with people all over the world.

His phone chirped. He smiled. A text from Lisbon.

He frowned. Why was he so happy about this? It was just a text.

The answer hit him like a thunderbolt. He was falling for her. He put his head down on his desk. Just his luck to fall for a woman who was _dead gone_ on another man. Just when he was about to move away, too. He grimaced. Well, he would give Jane one more day to make his move. Then he would... he would...

Well, he didn't know exactly what he would do, but Pike knew he would do something. Right now he had to distract himself.

He picked up his phone to answer Lisbon.

10:10am  
paperwork :(  
u?

**10:12am**   
**Copter ride.**

10:14am  
howd u manage  
that?

**10:16am**   
**Jane didn't want**   
**me to have to**   
**cancel our date.**

_*deleted text*_   
_10:18am_   
_what dos that_   
_mean?_

_*deleted text*_   
_10:20am_   
_maybe he wants u_   
_to have fun_

10:22am  
thats very nice of  
him

**10:25am**   
**It sure is.**

**11:47am**   
**Hate this case.**   
**Am in commune**   
**surrounded by**   
**sexist pigs.**

11:51am  
what?

**11:55**   
**A male-only retreat.**   
**Apparently women are**   
**a distraction.**

11:58am  
im wishing for a  
distraction right now  
if i call, is jane  
gonna be jealous?

_***deleted text*** _   
_**12:07pm** _   
_**Yes. Call me.** _   
_**We're at lunch.** _

**12:07pm**   
**I'll call later. Jane**   
**says hi.**

**4:33pm**   
**So sorry but can't**   
**make it tonight. Case**   
**not solved.**

4:40pm  
i understand :(  
maybe tomorow?

**4:42pm**   
**If case is done, I'd**   
**love to.**

* * *

The next day, at dinner, Pike was smiling at Lisbon. "You caught the bad guys, obviously."

"Mmm. You know Jane."

"I do. So what part did you play in his crazy plan this time?"

"Magician's assistant," Lisbon tossed out casually.

Pike leaned forward, like he was sharing a secret with her. "Did you have to wear a bunny costume?" There was an amused glint in his eye.

"No, thank God." Suddenly Lisbon was glad for the little Jane had asked her to do.

"How did Jane seem today?"

Lisbon knew instantly what Pike meant. And she knew suddenly that she didn't want to put a good slant on things, like she'd done before.

"I don't know what to think," she said honestly. "He asked for a helicopter because he didn't want me to cancel our date, then he told me I deserve a good man in my life. Seems to think you fit the bill, by the way." She tried to smile.

In that moment Pike knew he hated Jane for making Lisbon depressed.

"Any good news?" he asked gently.

"Well, I know he only picks pretty girls to be his assistants, to distract the audience." Lisbon smiled knowingly and tried to forget the fact that she had been the only female around.

"And I'm pretty sure he only asked for a helicopter because he wanted a ride in one." She refrained from wincing at how pitiful that sounded.

"Can't blame him," said Pike, trying to make her feel better. "Wish I could."

Dinner arrived. Pike welcomed the distraction. One thing had stood out: Jane had no interest in Lisbon. That made things easier for him. All he had to do was get Lisbon thinking about a life with him. Too bad he had such a short time frame to work with. Was his triple con now a double con or a quadruple con, he wondered. Had it even changed at all? He tried to clear his head. Right now he was going to concentrate on cheering Lisbon up before it was time to break the news to her.

In far shorter order than she could have ever thought possible, Lisbon found herself laughing and enjoying herself once again. She was really starting to appreciate Pike's knack for cheering her up. Soon they were waiting for dessert.

"I'm sorry we had to put this off," she said, still smiling. He tried to feed her some ridiculous story about using the time to see another girl.

"You are a terrible liar," she said firmly. Then, remembering that she always hated it when Jane told her that, she added: "I like that in a man."

She still could only tell when Jane was lying if it was something serious. She definitely wasn't going to spend time with someone else whom it took 8 years to figure out.

"Actually, there's something I need to tell you," he was saying.

"What?" she asked, still humouring him. If she'd had any idea of what was going to follow, she'd have run far away.

"That work stuff -" Lisbon vaguely remembered him sort of mentioning it at some point recently.

"- It's actually a promotion. The bureau's forming a task force to deal with international art theft... Long story short, they want me to run it."

"Congratulations! That's fantastic!"

Pike looked down, trying to find the right words. "Yeah, but they want me to run it from D. C."

Lisbon was starting to freak out. It was obvious from the look in Pike's eye that there was something else going on. This wasn't a friend who was sad because they were moving away. This was something else. This was serious. Oh God, now he was saying he'd turn down the promotion to stay with her! What was going on? She told him not to be an idiot. Her mind was screaming at him not to say anything else, to shut up now while they could still pretend this hadn't happened, but her mouth wasn't moving. Her body wasn't listening to her, the traitor, it was entirely focused on listening to Pike. She sat there, frozen.

"I know when something's real," he said, "and when it can get serious."

She was hypnotized by his lips. They seemed to moving in slow motion and his voice sounded like it was a million miles away. She felt like she was watching him through a pane of glass about a foot thick.

"I feel that way about us. Do you? Feel that way?" Pike looked at her, his eyes pleading.

She tried to snap out of it, tried to remember what he'd said, tried to process what it meant. Did she think it could become serious? She remembered this morning, in the helicopter. Yes, she did. At some future point.

But you don't _want_ this to get serious! her heart cried out. She felt like she was wading through molasses. Her mind refused to work.

"Yeah, I do," was all she said. It was the only thing she was able to focus on.

"I'm asking..." He slid his hand into hers. She looked at their joined hands dispassionately. It didn't feel real.

"What if we went to D. C. You and me. Together. What would you think of that, Teresa?"

Lisbon glanced away. She felt like her world had fallen apart. He mouth was dry. She couldn't speak.

"Together?" she finally whispered. "What do you mean?"

Pike was a smart man. Having planted his idea, he knew it would germinate and grow in her mind. Now was the time for a strategic retreat. He disentangled their hands.

"We've become good friends," he explained, his voice soft. "I don't want to lose that. I know you want to be with Jane and I would never interfere. I just wanted you to have an option if he doesn't say anything.

He paused for a moment. Lisbon winced slightly but showed no inclination to speak. He continued.

"There's no pressure, just think about it. Jane doesn't seem to care that you're in a relationship - at least," he amended hastily, "he hasn't said anything yet. I don't think he believes it's serious. But think about if he finds out you're moving across the country."

"And if he still doesn't say anything," said Lisbon hollowly, "then I won't have to stay here and face my disappointment. I can see your point."

"Not what I meant," said Pike, lying through his teeth. "Although I do think you really have to want to move there for this to work. Otherwise Jane'll see right through it. But if you do end up actually moving, I would be very happy to have you with me."

Lisbon was starting to come alive again. His plan was becoming clearer. She was still adjusting to this new direction they would be going in; she would need some time before she could fully buy into it but she could see it had possibilities.

She could no longer hide from the fact that Jane wasn't doing anything. Very well, it was time for one last stopgap measure. They could figure out details later. Right now all she wanted to do was go home and cry herself to sleep.

Pike read the mute appeal in her face. "I'll drive you home," was all he said.

They left without having dessert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All spelling mistakes in text messages were intentional. I find it easier to hate Pike if he can't spell.


	4. 6x19 Brown Eyed Girls

Forgetting. It's been Lisbon's coping mechanism over the last few days.

Neither she nor Pike have mentioned the whole "moving to D. C." thing. Lisbon has almost forgotten about it. She's definitely forgotten the moment in the restaurant when Pike had looked at her as if he wanted to be her _real_ boyfriend. It certainly hadn't kept her up after she'd returned home.

She's forgotten that Pike only used to call when Jane was around.

She forgets that he was only supposed to be a one-night stand and spends the night with him again.

She doesn't recall that not too long ago she felt in control of her life, and not the other way 'round.

And there's no reason to remember that _her_ plan had been to stay in Austin. This new plan is obviously much better.

You see, if she had to think about these things, she doesn't know what would happen. So she forgets.

She's getting good at it.

So good, in fact, that when Jane calls her while she's on a date with Pike, she forgets that things are different between them now. For this one moment, she's back to being his boss, mad at him for interrupting her life but knowing she's coming anyway. (She won't remember until she sees him and he doesn't smile, doesn't tease her.)

Pike watches her leave. Jane comes first with her always. It worries him. He has no idea if she'll come to D. C. in the end or not. He's crazy about her, but not enough to throw away his pride. So he won't lay his cards on the table yet. Plenty of time for that later. Maybe even after they are safely ensconsed in D. C. For now, he'll play the sympathetic friend.

He drives home, alone.

Lisbon is agreeably surprised to see him bring lunch the next day. He's remembered her favorite restaurant, she notes approvingly.

Jane interrupts them before she gets around to wondering if that's significant or not.

Later, at the end of a difficult day, she's on the phone with Pike, asking if he would mind coming over? She's at a hospital. Not hurt, of course.

On the other end of the line, Pike sounds faintly surprised that she even has to ask. He acceeds right away, of course.

"Where do you want to go?"

Ever since their first "date", he's made it a point to ask her this.

"I just want to sit at home and watch TV," she sighs. "It's just... this case has been rough. I... normally I just go home, but I... I wanted someone beside me tonight." Where am I going with this? she wonders. And why am I once again baring my soul to Pike?

"I understand." Pike doesn't sound pitying, for which Lisbon is truly grateful.

Pike drives over right away. He is making a concerted effort to come whenever Lisbon called. He knows he can't do much but he sure is going to do his best make himself indispensable to her. He thinks darkly of Jane. He knows Jane is with her. Why hadn't the man tried to help her?

At the hospital, he waits for an hour. But then he sees them through the door and suddenly it's all worth it, because here Lisbon's walking over to him. She's not staying with Jane and Pike knows he's won this round, so he can't keep the smug look off his face as he puts his arm around her possessively. She's his tonight and he's not going to waste this.

Lisbon is looking at Jane just before they leave. She can't help wishing it were he at her side. She knows her thoughts are easily to be read in her eyes. Heck, she just told Jane that what she wants is someone who's there for her.

But there's no reaction from him, so she turns and lets herself be led away by a man who actually acts like he cares about her feelings.

She's sitting on the couch with him, his arm around her shoulder (she doesn't remember how it got there, but she doesn't mind, either), when she realizes that, in a very small, _safe_ sort of way, she's happy. No, happy is the wrong word. She's content.

She hasn't been truly happy since her mother died. She's pretty sure that she's now incapable of the emotion. If her father's fists hadn't beat the possibilty out of her, Jane's manipulations had effectively buried it.

She lays her head on Pike's shoulder. He smells comforting. Happiness may be beyond her reach, she thinks, but stability is an acceptable substitute.

She gradually falls asleep, forgetting that she was happiest on those times when she was with Jane, just the two of them, and no case to solve.

Forgetting. It's been Lisbon's coping mechanism over the last few days.

She's getting good at it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realise that I switched tenses for this chapter. I thought about it, then decided I didn't care enough to rewrite it.


	5. 6x20 Il Tavolo Bianco

Pike had no clue what was going on. He and Lisbon were standing waiting for the elevator. He'd obviously interrupted something between her and Jane, but she equally obviously didn't want to talk about it.

She was furious, that much he could tell. Anger stuck out all over her body, from her fixed gaze to her furrowed brow to her ramrod-straight posture.

It was a look Jane would have recognized right away.

Pike, however, was at a loss. What should he do? He wisely decided not to mention anything until she'd eaten.

Conversation in the elevator was stilted.

"So, what's new with you?" Lisbon was still too upset to care about sounding inane.

Pike, following her lead, was staring straight ahead. He couldn't think of a thing to say. The only news in his life was the move to D. C., and while Lisbon seemed to be getting used to the idea, he felt instinctively that it was the wrong thing to talk about at this moment.

He settled for: "There's this beautiful woman I've been taking out to lunch a lot lately..."

His attempt at a compliment fell spectacularly flat. Except for a tight smile, Lisbon gave no indication that she'd even heard him.

"I was looking at houses in D. C. for you," she said as they were walking to his car.

"Did you find anything?" seemed like a safe rejoinder.

"Uh... no." Clearly Lisbon hadn't thought this through.

"Oh. Well, thanks. I've been looking too."

Pike decided to put the radio on for the short drive to the restaurant.

They were served mercifully quickly. Pike was wondering how best to broach the subject when Lisbon forestalled him.

"Sorry about that," she said sheepishly. "Jane was being an idiot... I didn't need to make you suffer, too."

"It's alright. Do you want to tell me about it?"

She sighed frustratedly. "You know how Jane was indicted? Apparently it was all a con."

Pike was lost. She was upset that he wasn't going to jail?

"You mean he got himself arrested? Why?"

"It was actually Abbott's plan. He wanted to see if a jury had been tampered with."

Pike still didn't get what the problem was. Wasn't this exactly what Jane was hired for? Not that he had any intention of saying so. It didn't matter; Lisbon read his mind.

"He didn't tell me!" she raged. "He let me think he might go to jail for the rest of his life!"

Ah. She felt left out. Pike filed this away for later use.

"Then he tried to feed me some ridiculous story about how Abbott swore him to secrecy. Like he ever followed orders before!" She looked at Pike, still glaring, obviously awaiting his input.

Pike was in a bind. On the one hand, this was the perfect opportunity to put down Jane, to convince Lisbon to take a chance with him instead. She was mad enough it wouldn't be hard at all. On the other hand, all Jane had done was follow orders. A good man wouldn't punish him for that, however much he wanted to.

Pike cursed the fact that he was a born gentleman.

"I wasn't there, of course," he said gently, "but it sounds to me like Jane is trying to change." He paused, wrestling with himself. Good won out.

"He's probably doing it for you," he added, hating himself.

Lisbon desperately wanted to believe this. A thought struck her.

"Great. Does that mean I have to apologize?"

Pike grinned. "I wouldn't go _too_ far. This is Jane, after all."

Lisbon laughed. She returned to work with a much lighter heart.

After a disastrous dinner with Jane (disastrous on a personal level; professionally speaking she was pretty sure Jane had managed to solve the case), Lisbon went back to the FBI offices. Without really knowing why, she called Pike, and before she knew it they were lounging on her couch watching TV.

She had no intention of turning this into a romantic evening (though they both knew he was staying the night) so she grabbed a random magazine off her coffee table to read as Pike flipped through the channels.

"Oh look! Casablanca!"

Lisbon tuned him out, already losing interest. "I'm not really into old movies."

"This isn't an old movie! This is a _classic_. You've got to watch this. You're gonna love it!"

Great, thought Lisbon. I've abandoned one man who won't do want I want him to for another who bugs me to do what I don't want to.

"Okay! Let's watch it."

Her frosty tone finally managed to penetrate Pike's consciousness.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just tired." Tired of the mess her life had become.

"Teresa. I may not be able to read minds like Jane does, but I can tell when something's going on."

"Jane can't read minds." Lisbon was sick of saying this. "It's hard to explain."

Pike surveyed her with some surprise. He'd been joking. Did she really think he believed Jane was psychic?

Lisbon thought back to her dinner with Jane. He'd actually had the nerve to ask her what she wanted to hear. She refused to believe he hadn't known. In her secret heart she knew what he was doing. He knew she wanted him and he wasn't going to encourage her. Much like when he'd "forgotten" that he'd said I love you.

Question was, was that because he didn't want her or because he thought he didn't deserve her?

Suddenly she was annoyed. Why was _she_ always figuring out Jane? Why didn't he ever have to lie around obsessing over what she was thinking?

"You know, it doesn't matter," said Lisbon, resolving to wash her hands of it. The whole point of this was to force _him_ to make a move.

"Hey. Do you want to talk about it?"

Not in a million years. "Not really."

She knew he wasn't going to let it go at that. Sure enough, now they were sitting up facing each other. She braced herself for the lecture on openness she knew was coming.

"I just want to say that I know, moving to D. C. is a big thing. It might raise issues you don't feel totally comfortable talking _to me_ about. I just want you to know it's okay. You go through whatever process you need to; just... let me know when you make a decision. I'll be here."

Lisbon silently blessed him for being so understanding. She leaned over and kissed him fervently, trying to make him feel her thankfulness. Feeling suddenly magnanimous, she settled back in beside him.

"All right! So what's this movie about?" Who knew? She may even like it.

"Well, it's a lot of things, but basically it's about a woman who has to choose between two men."

Lisbon froze. That sounded an awful lot like what her life was becoming.

Fortunately Pike took pity on her and put on a ball game. Two innings later there was a knock on the door.

Lisbon looked up. "Seriously? It's past midnight!"

Pike grinned. "I'm pretty sure you're more upset about the fact that if you get up, you won't see the pitcher strike this guy out." Lisbon blushed.

"Don't worry, I'll get it." Pike disentangled himself from her carefully and stood up.

Lisbon had a momentary qualm about him answering her door in the middle of the night but quickly squashed it. It was _supposed_ to look like she and him were serious, after all.

Pike called over to her, an odd note in his voice. "Teresa? It's... uh, it's Jane."

To say Lisbon was surprised was an understatement. She walked out, leaving Pike to stare at the closed door.

He went back to the couch and sat down. He was hoping that Jane hadn't decided to make a move. He still truly believed that Jane didn't care for her romantically (it was the only way he could rationalize what he was doing), but he also knew that they had a long history and that if Jane asked her to stay, just to be friends, she'd probably say yes.

It was not exactly comforting that she came back in crying.

He was beside her in an instant. "What happened?"

She held up a bag. "He brought us cannoli."

Wait a minute. "Us"?

Moving like an automaton, Lisbon put the bag on the counter, then went over to the couch and sat down with her knees drawn up under her chin.

Pike stood awkwardly behind the couch. Somehow he knew that he didn't have the right to sit on it right now. She looked up at him, finally.

"He's an idiot."

"I know," he said soothingly.

"No, no, not in the way you're thinking. He really is in love with me. He just won't say it because he doesn't think he and I could be happy together."

Pike felt his chest constrict. He had been so hoping it wouldn't come to this. But because he cared about her and because he was a (stupidly) honourable man, he did what he knew she was wishing he would do.

He smiled at her, although it was the last thing in the world he felt like doing. "I've got a plan." Taking a deep breath, he continued. "I just need to know one thing. Does this mean your move to D. C. is completely off the table?" He didn't add: 'It's okay if that's what you want to do.' He'd been understanding enough for one night.

Lisbon didn't have an answer.

"I wasn't lying when I said I'd love to have you there. We have a lot of fun together."

"We do," Lisbon agreed. She thought about it. If Jane _still_ didn't say anything, where did that leave her? Would she want to be with a man who didn't dare admit he loved her because he thought a relationship between them was a bad idea?

She was coming to appreciate the fact that she wanted a man who would stand up for himself. Who would do _something_ , anything! For heaven's sakes, _Pike_ was doing more for her right now than Jane was.

She set her jaw. Very well, she thought, it's your move, Jane. I'm not going to prompt you anymore, either. You've got a little bit of time before you lose your queen; if you get checkmated, it's your own fault.

She looked up at Pike, who was waiting expectantly.

"Yes. If Jane keeps mum, I'll be going to D. C."

Pike tried to keep the bitterness he was feeling off his face. What a hollow victory. He plastered on a smile.

"Well, I have to get going. There's some things I need to set in motion." He headed for the door.

"Wait!" Lisbon tried unsuccessfully to grab his arm. "What's your plan?"

He poked his head back around the corner in a gesture vaguely reminiscent of Jane.

"You'll see..." He winked and was gone before Lisbon could throw a pillow at him.


	6. 6x21 Black Hearts

Not another word could Lisbon drag out of Pike as respects his plan. It was driving her crazy. Maybe she _was_ a control freak. Still, it was her life. It was her right to know what was happening with it. Or was it? Now that she thought about it, her life was most often like the weather. She could try to predict what would happen, but it did its own thing regardless.

Fortunately from the aspect of Lisbon's continued sanity, the first part of Pike's plan became clear the next morning. (Technically that morning.) They had a teleconference with his new boss.

"So when Pike told me you were thinking of making a move to D. C., I jumped at the chance to snap you up before someone else did." Lisbon was suitably impressed. She had been wondering if Pike thought she was going to move without having a job lined up.

When they left Abbott's office Pike turned to her.

"So what are you thinking?"

"I don't know yet." Well, she did, but he didn't need to know that.

"Well, Abbott's right. It's a great job. And Don's the best."

"I believe you."

"Look, Teresa. I've been patient. I kind of went out on a limb for you... pushed Don to pass on other candidates so I could have you in D. C." He didn't add that he wanted her away from Jane as soon as possible. "I mean, I know it's a big decision, but it's a decision you need to make."

Lisbon instantly felt guilty for teasing him. Before she could apologize, Jane walked up.

"Good morning, Lisbon." His tone changed to barely civil and he added "Pike," before walking away.

Lisbon was over the moon. They'd managed to rattle Jane enough that he was now showing his dislike!

She tried to check her exuberant spirits. This didn't mean Jane was pulling himself together enough to interfere. She dragged Pike to the mercifully empty break room.

"I'm really happy you got me that job. And I am putting through the transfer papers, but you do realize that I might" (will, her stubborn mind whispered hopefully) "have to cancel them."

Jane would know if this wasn't real, so the papers were necessary on that score, but it was also becoming obvious that there would be a huge disruption when he got around to begging her to stay. She preferred to control as much as possible who would inevitably get involved.

" _I_ know, but you're going to be the one to explain to Don. If it goes down like that, then I had no part in this."

"Fair enough." She grinned. "So, that plan of yours? When are we doing it? No, never mind, I just want to know what it is."

"You'll need to tell me when it's just the two of you around. Jane needs to 'accidentally' overhear a particular conversation."

"Okay... What'll it be about?"

"I was thinking you might not mention your plan to move _in front of Jane_ until then."

"Okay, I see. He'll be upset because I'll have told everyone except him."

Pike smiled.

"That's it?"

"Nope, but I'm not telling you the rest of the plan. You'll find out what the rest of it is when it happens."

Pike would never know how narrowly he escaped annihilation. He winked at Lisbon as he sidestepped around Wiley on his way out the door.

He was reasonably happy with how things were going. It was a definite setback that she was more convinced than ever that Jane loved her, but he didn't have the heart to disillusion her. He promised himself that she would always have his shoulder to cry on in D. C.

Lisbon, meanwhile, pulled herself together and ducked back into Abbott's office. Speaking in a very guarded, vague way, she endeavoured to ask him how much of a pain cancelling transfer papers would be.

Just for a moment there was an intelligent look in his eye. It almost seemed like he knew exactly where she was getting at and what she was talking about. But it was gone again almost instantly, and she dismissed the thought as fanciful.

There was no surprise in his voice as he assured her that he wouldn't complain.

"Do you want me to put the papers through in the first place?" he asked.

"Yes," she said confidently. Again that intelligent gleam. He nodded.

"All right."

The next two days were a blur of case solving and illegal stunts on her side and tying up loose ends for the move on his side, but then all the stars aligned and Lisbon was calling Pike to inform him that she and Jane were the only ones left at the office that night.

Waiting for him to arrive, she couldn't help feeling way more excited about this than befitted a staid and solid FBI agent. She found she didn't care.

He walked in and she anounced that she was so ready to leave on a date. Instead of leaving, Pike stopped the both of them in full view of Jane.

"So, about D. C. I know it's a lot to take in and I didn't mean to pressure you."

"Yeah, you did." It slipped out, although she really couldn't blame him. And he'd been pretty gentle about it, too. She rationalized that she was sure Jane would have a fit if he thought Pike was manipulating her. He was hypocritical that way.

"Yeah, I did. Maybe a little." Well, that was a surprise. She'd expected him to deny it. "But it's your life, and I just want to be a part of it." She thought back to one of Jane's lectures. 'Any good con is based on fact.'

She tried to infuse the right amount of excitement into her voice as she told Pike that she _was_ going to D. C. She could see Jane out of the corner of her eye. He was close enough to hear, but he didn't look up.

Pike smiled and kissed her. Nothing new there. They'd done this before, a couple times actually, and Jane hadn't so much as raised an eyebrow, even though he knew she was not one for displays of public affection at the workplace. Sometimes she wondered if they were being too obvious.

They pulled apart, but he kept his hands on her shoulders. She felt a thrill run through her. This was it!

"Wow. I wish we were somewhere more romantic, but what the hell. Will you marry me?"

Lisbon was completely gobsmacked. _This_ was his plan? Propose in front of Jane?

Actually, it was pretty funny, but wait - his eyes - oh God, his eyes had lost every trace of their former jollity. He looked like a whipped puppy.

She had no idea was he was expecting her to say.

"What?" Her voice cracked. "What?" she repeated.

Just like that, he was back to normal. "Don't freak out." He looked like he was trying not to laugh.

"M... Wow. Marry you? Um..."

"I know. I know. You need time to think about it."

"It's a big decision. It's huge." She was rattled. Was this a joke or was there something more underlying it?

He was shaking his head, trying to calm her down. "No pressure. Okay?"

This reminder of their shared joke brought her back down to earth. Of _course_ Pike wasn't proposing for real. What an idiot she could be sometimes.

"Okay."

"You're a tough date!"

He leaned in and kissed her. He was mentally berating himself. What had possessed him to say that last line? He hoped she couldn't tell that he'd meant it. He looked at her carefully. She seemed oblivious.

"Have you told Jane you're leaving yet?" This was necessary to preserve the pretense that Jane was _not_ supposed to be an active participant in the conversation.

"No. No, not yet." She looked over longingly, but no, he was still steadfastly ignoring them.

"He'll understand," Pike said solemnly. She couldn't help but smile at the absurdity of that.

He left so that she could talk to Jane.

In the lobby, he tried to pull himself together. Letting his real emotions show was a brilliant plan, if he was trying to scare her off.

She followed almost on his heels, startling him. He'd thought they'd talk for at least five minutes.

"How'd it go?" She looked disappointed, but not depressed.

"Still won't say anything."

They started walking to the parking lot.

Lisbon knew a smart woman would refrain from asking, but she just couldn't seem to help herself: "Did you mean it?"

"What, the proposal?" Pike decided humour would be his best weapon. "Only if you want me to."

Lisbon eyed him doubtfully. His eyes were once again full of fun. She might have been misreading the situation earlier. The look had lasted a couple seconds at most. She decided it had been a figment of her imagination.

"So your plan was to propose? You could have told me!"

"And ruin the element of surprise? It was more fun that way. I tried to be as awful as I could."

"Glad to know you _planned_ it that way! I was starting to doubt your mental sanity."

Laughing, they climbed into his car.

Back inside, Jane sat alone on his couch. With a sigh, he set down his book. He'd used up all his concentration in _not_ overhearing Pike and Lisbon's conversation. It had obviously been meant to be private.

He was disgusted with Pike - if no one was supposed to overhear, why hadn't he taken Lisbon into another room? He laid down on his couch.

Well, Lisbon would have been proud of him. That made it all worth it. Too bad she would never know. He knew she had been dying to ask his opinion about whatever they'd been saying before she went downstairs, so to avoid a fight (she wouldn't have believed that he hadn't paid attention) he'd brought up a safe subject.

He wondered when he'd gotten gun-shy about getting Lisbon mad. It was certainly a new development. He closed his eyes. It was time for another sleepless night.


	7. 6x22 Blue Birds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is rated C (country music fans only). You have been warned!

Pike found out the next day that Lisbon had put her house on the market. He was surprised. She was so sure Jane would come after her. He had been sure she would keep it.

"Well, if I'm going to marry you, I can't have a house halfway across the country, now can I?" she had teased. "I think it would send the wrong impression."

And just like that, marriage became their euphemism for Lisbon actually staying in D. C.

"If I marry you, you'll have to keep taking me out to dinner."

"If you marry me, we'll have to watch at least one classic movie together."

Lisbon found it quite entertaining. Pike was just glad she wasn't still suspicious that the feelings behind his proposal were real.

Pike left 4 days later. Lisbon was due to follow in three.

She was completely unprepared for the sense of loss she felt as she drove back after dropping him off at the airport. It hit her that she no longer had anyone she could just talk to in Austin.

Abbott was her boss, Cho was not the garrulous type, Jane was temporarily useless, and she didn't even consider Wiley. Fischer was nice enough, but Lisbon hadn't confided in a woman (or girl) since third grade. Actually, now that she thought about it, she could count on one hand the number of people she'd confided in since third grade.

All things considered, she was fairly annoyed when her transfer was delayed. She called Pike at lunch.

"We caught a high-profile case. I'm so sorry, but I'm afraid I'm stuck here until it's solved."

Pike was very understanding.

"I'll be there before the week is out, though, I'm sure," she hastened to assure him.

His voice softened. "Can't wait."

It was with a very different frame of mind that she called him again the next day.

"Hey, it's me."

"Hey, sweetheart, how are you?" She didn't laugh at his term of endearment like she usually did. He was instantly curious. Something was up.

"Good. Good." She tried to think of some sort of pleasantry to ease the conversation to where she wanted it to go but failed signally. She definitely wasn't going to tell him what had happened. At least right now. She didn't want his pity. A dimly remembered joke surfaced in her mind. Hopefully if she used a joke, it would hide the fact she was completely broken up inside. "Um, listen. If the offer still stands, the answer is yes. I'll marry you." Though she tried her hardest, she couldn't seem to muster up the proper tone. Fortunately, Pike didn't notice.

In fact, he couldn't believe his ears. "Yes!" he shouted, forgetting what that might sound like to Lisbon. He was thrilled. She was going to stay in D. C.! With him! After everything, _he'd_ won. Not Jane.

"Good. Good." Lisbon was relieved. He didn't suspect a thing. "Well, I'm on my way to D. C. right now."

"Okay, alright. Alright, text me your flight information, I'll be there. Teresa, it's going to be great."

Lisbon let the phone and her tears fall then. She looked back at the inn from the window of her taxi. How had it only taken an hour for everything to go so spectacularly south?

Cynically she reflected that she should have expected it. Very little had ever gone right for her ever since she'd first met Jane. This, however, was a disaster of Brobdingnagian proportions. She closed her eyes, recalling with a pang how relaxed she'd felt as she walked down the hotel's main staircase, in a dress Jane had bought her, to join him for dinner.

She'd gone to the front desk to ask about a bathrobe for her "boyriend", more because she wanted to do something nice for Pike than because she thought Jane could hear.

She sat back against the seat of the car, feeling the pain wash over her. No good deed goes unpunished, she thought bitterly. Everything had unraveled then like a half-finished sweater. She'd discovered that Jane had set up the case - not because he loved her, but just because he wanted her near him.

She felt sick. In his eyes she was no better than those girls in the human trafficking case. They were a commodity, perhaps even a necessity; but certainly not viewed as a person, someone whose desires would need to be taken into account.

She felt the tears drip down her cheeks. If he'd just asked her to stay...

Thank goodness she was leaving and that she had a gentle, caring man waiting for her in D. C. She couldn't stomach the thought of seeing Jane's face again. Hopefully it wouldn't invade too many of her nightmares.

Pike was too happy to care when she hung up on him in the middle of his rhapsody about the Italian restaurant just around the corner. She had probably just hit the wrong button.

It was obvious Jane had finally made it clear that he didn't want her. Pike congratulated himself for having read the situation aright from the git-go.

Three hours of paperwork were insufficient when it came to putting a dent in his smile. He looked at the stack that was left. Who would have thought starting a new unit would require so much filing? Well, he would keep working until it was time to leave to pick up Lisbon.

He gaped in astonishment as the only other agent left on the floor, a no-nonsense woman from cybercrimes, reached under her desk, pulled out a radio, and plugged it into the wall. She tuned it to a country music station.

Now, Pike had a problem with that. He liked old movies, but _not_ old country music.

"Haven't you ever heard of earphones?" he asked, disgusted. The woman shrugged.

A male singer's whiny voice echoed off the almost deserted walls.

_There's a tear in my beer  
'Cause I'm crying for you dear  
You were on my lonely mind_

"Are you even allowed a radio at your desk?" he asked in annoyance.

"It's after hours," she said tersely, as if that explained everything.

"I don't mind music," he said firmly, "but that sounds more like a cat fight."

"Nice one," she said, not even deigning to look up. "Next time try an insult that hasn't been used 40 thousand times."

Sulking now, Pike rummaged around and found his own earphones. He plugged them into his phone savagely. The woman remained oblivious.

It was about an hour later that the call came in. It was Lisbon, but he sure wasn't going to talk to her with that damned radio playing in the background.

"Could you please turn down the volume?" he asked as politely as possible. "I've got an important call."

She reached out and twisted the knob two ticks to the left.

Glaring at her, he answered his phone.

"Marcus!" Lisbon practically shrieked. "You'll never guess what happened!"

His heart sank straight down to his toes. He knew instantly, in one of those blinding flashes of intuition that we all have occasionally, that whatever had made her so exuberantly happy was _not_ going to make him feel the same way.

"What?" He tried to keep his voice even.

"Jane did it! He hijacked the plane to tell me he loved me. And he loves me enough to let me go because it'll make me happy, but he thought it was fair that I should know that he loves me."

There was a rushing in Pike's ears. He tried to concentrate on sounding like a delighted friend.

"I'm so happy for you!" He almost choked on the words. It felt like someone was squeezing the life out of his heart.

She must have noticed something was off, because her voice softened. "I'm sorry I won't be coming to D. C."

He was very grateful that she hadn't pulled out the marriage joke. He didn't think he could have stood it. "Don't worry about it. You belong over there. I've never heard you so happy before."

With a pang, he realized this was true. She'd never sounded one quarter this happy when she'd been with him.

"You should come visit, though," he said, crossing his fingers that she wouldn't take him up on it.

"Oh, I was planning to. You've never seen Jane the way he normally is. He's really a lot of fun." Her excitement was like slap in the face.

As she rambled on about how grateful she was for everything he'd done for her and Jane, he stared blankly at the opposite wall, willing his tears not to fall.

As soon as there was a suitable break in her monologue, he jumped in with: "I really should let you get back to him now. You've been apart long enough."

"Oh, I haven't actually talked to him since he stormed the airplane. He's in TSA holding because of it. I'm letting him stew for a bit first. He doesn't even know I've stayed yet."

If there was a hint of malevolence in Pike's laugh, it passed unnoticed by Lisbon. "Well, have fun," he said.

"Thanks. You too."

Oh, cruel irony. What have I done to deserve you? he wondered morosely.

"Bye."

"Bye. See you soon."

Slumped in his chair, Pike stared at his phone for a long, long time.

Nice guys really do finish last, he reflected caustically. He eventually roused himself out of his torpor only to realize that the radio was mocking him.

_Ladies love outlaws  
Like babies love stray dogs  
Ladies touch babies like a banker touches gold  
And outlaws touch ladies somewhere deep down in their soul_

He was too heartsick to do what he really wanted to, which was walk over there and smash the radio with a baseball bat. Plus, he didn't see a bat anywhere.

A new song started. He stared at the radio in disbelief. Was the DJ psychic?

_Well, you can have her, I don't want her  
She didn't love me anyway  
She only wanted someone to play with  
But all I wanted was love to stay_

Shaking his head, he noticed that he still had a pile of paperwork left to do. Well, he sure wasn't going to get any more work done tonight. He was pretty sure he wouldn't get any sleep either, but the bars were all shut by now so going home was the best of a bad lot of options.

He walked over the other agent's desk. "Marina... Arbelbide?" he asked hesitantly, reading her nameplate. When she didn't contradict him, he continued. "What station is that?"

She looked up in surprise. That was definitely not what she had been expecting. "91.2 FM."

"Thanks."

She stared bemusedly at his departing back. What had that been about?

Once inside his car, Pike tuned the radio to 91.2 and waited for the station to come through.

_All my ex's live in Texas  
And Texas is a place I'd really love to be  
But all my ex's live in Texas  
That's why I hang my hat in Tennessee_

He put his head on the steering wheel and laughed until he cried. Then he just cried.

He felt better after a few minutes. He smiled, even though he still felt a little shaky. He hadn't expected to feel this good so soon. Maybe country music wasn't so bad after all.

He put the car in gear. He remembered having heard somewhere that relating to country music was the first sign of insanity.

Oh well, he thought philosophically, there's worse things. He smiled a little wider as the next song started. Really, that country twang wasn't too grating after all. By the second chorus he found himself singing along.

_One day you'll pass her on the street  
With that guy you used to be  
She'll say hello and walk on by  
Then she'll leave you with a smile_

_Well you can't help but wonder  
Why you can't help but love her  
But you can't help but love her  
And all that hurtin' was more than worth it  
_ _It's written all over your face..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, how many of you, without looking it up, knew who the Brobdingnagians were? (Hint: They're from a popular kid's book.)  
> As a country music fan, I think everyone reading this should go check out Desperado by the Eagles and You Were Always On My Mind by Willie Nelson. Both of those fit Jane to a T. Do it as a favour to yourself. Seriously.  
> Anyway, here's the song list, in order of appearance. (I do not own any of the lyrics.)  
> There's a Tear In My Beer by Hank Williams Jr.  
> Ladies Love Outlaws by Waylon Jennings  
> You Can Have Her by Waylon Jennings  
> All My Ex's Live In Texas by George Strait  
> She'll Leave You With a Smile by George Strait


	8. Epilogue

"This is another fine pickle you've gotten yourself in, huh," Lisbon said.

"Meh. I've seen worse, pickle-wise," Jane replied. They were sitting across from each other in a detention room.

"Yes you have. How's the ankle?"

"Fine." Jane was sure he was hallucinating. "You didn't go to D. C."

He'd just figured out that she actually would be leaving, had just managed to work out how he would continue living without her - and here she was in front of him. He could hardly believe she was here at all, let alone looking at him like the last three years hadn't happened.

"Did you mean what you said?" Of course he had. She knew it, and he knew she knew it. But a small, spiteful part of her just wanted to remind him subtly of another time when he hadn't wanted to mean it.

"Yes."

"Good." She started to let her smile show. She'd tortured him long enough.

Just to be clear, we're talking about pickles, right?" Jane wasn't sure what was going on and he didn't like the feeling. So he reverted to his normal banter.

"No. The other thing."

"Oh. That." This felt an awful lot like their easy, carefree conversations from the CBI days, but that made no sense, at least here and now.

"This is no joking matter." Trying to tamp down her smile was like trying to rope in a wild mustang. So much for being sternly disapproving, she thought giddily.

"Yes. I meant what I said, every word of it."

"Good. Because I feel the same way." She felt suddenly vulnerable to be admitting something she had hidden, even from herself, for so long. She half-expected him to tease her about it, to pull away...

"Well, that's lucky." He still felt like he was dreaming. Then it hit him, what was off about this whole scene. Her body language should be screaming guilt and shame, instead of mild annoyance (of which he deserved far worse) and cheerfulness. The Lisbon he knew was far too honourable to be here saying these things to him with such a hopeful look on her face, not when her boyfriend was waiting for her in another city. Something had obviously happened. He supposed he could figure it out, but it would be much faster to ask.

"What about Pike?"

"He'll understand." If only you knew, she thought. Years of practise helped her to keep a straight face, however. To achieve the appropriate look, she simply concentrated on how bad she felt that she'd had to cancel on him at literally the very last minute. Even though it was because of the happiest event of her life, it still hadn't been very considerate of her. She hadn't even thought of that until right now. She'd have to call him back and apologize properly. She looked up at Jane. She could think about Pike later.

"Say it again." She'd been far too angry to appreciate it properly the first time. Now she felt bad for having misread his intentions earlier - not that _he_ needed to know that. He'd definitely deserved everything she'd said to him.

"Say what again?" Jane asked, mainly to see how she'd react. He had no clue how she'd rationalized the situation with Pike, but he sure wasn't going to argue. In fact, he was going to do something he'd thought about for a long time...

Lisbon quirked her eyebrows at him. Really? He was going to play the dumb card? But wait, now he was standing up, and he had a look on his face that she'd never seen before (and she had a more extensive catalogue of his expressions than any person alive), and now he was leaning over to her, and her heart was stuttering because he was...

On the outside, she was merely accepting the kiss as her due. This was what she had wanted, what she had fought for. And then that annoying guard was banging on the window. They pulled apart but only a few inches. Lisbon couldn't for the life of her contain her smile. It was like a living organism, moving and growing independent of her own will. When was the last time she had smiled like this? She wanted to kiss him again, run her hands through his hair...

The guard banged on the window again. With a sigh, Lisbon pushed Jane back down into his seat. She did _not_ want an audience for their first kiss. She pointed a finger at him sternly. "You're evading the issue."

He was still wearing that intense expression. She was rather glad she'd never seen it before. If she had, their relationship would certainly not have remained platonic long. It was all she could do not to go over there right now and plaster herself against him. And he probably knew exactly what kind of effect it had on her too. As she watched him, a look of guilt spread over his features.

"You'd be better off with Pike." It was said quietly, matter-of-fact.

She couldn't allow this. He was wallowing in self-pity again. She had to snap him out of it, make him realize that he didn't have all the answers.

"You're probably right," she said airily. "Unfortunately there's a slight hitch in your plan. You see, I don't love Pike, and he doesn't love me." She could practically see the gears turning in his head. She waited for him to say something. He seemed to come to a decision. He settled back in his chair.

"You were moving to D. C.," he pointed out. "To be with him." He decided that she had obviously convinced herself that it hadn't been serious. He felt bad. He was pretty sure he knew how a certain phone call was going to go. Now how could he gently make her see that Pike was going to be heartbroken...

Lisbon tried to calm the butterflies in her stomach. Be off-hand, she told herself. "Oh, that? That wasn't serious. It was planned, in fact. I had to do something to help you move past your issues and tell me your feelings." She relished the look on his face. His mouth actually fell open. He stared at her for several minutes.

"When did you come up with it?"

Lisbon was starting to relax. He didn't hate her for conning him (something she hadn't considered until about ten minutes ago). This was starting to be as fun as she had expected. "Oh, just after the art heist."

"You mean..." His voice failed him. His mind was beginning to function again, however. His trademark smile came back for the first time in 18 hours. "This explains a lot." Like, Abbott's strange habit of telling him to go after Lisbon, the way he'd kept running into her and Pike together, and why Pike never seemed to be at work, for example.

Now Lisbon was curious. "Like what?"

"Oh, nothing. You know, when you set out to surprise me, you don't do things by halves. So, tell me how you pulled it off."

Patrick Jane knew that in any successful relationship, absolute honesty was a bad idea. Not in the big things, of course. Just the little things.

Take Angela, for instance. She had absolutely loved the colour yellow. Had loved buying yellow dresses and shirts and shoes to wear.

He had never had the nerve to tell her that she looked terrible in yellow, that it washed her out. He had just gone on buying her yellow bouquets of flowers, but lingerie that was blue or purple, colours that brought out her eyes.

So as he listened to Lisbon's story and looked into her happy smiling face, he was sure of two things. One, he now knew that Pike had indeed been desperately in love with her. And two, it was something that Jane would never tell her. She would feel horribly guilty about that, and he had no intention of making her feel anything but happy for the rest of her life. He blessed the fact that she couldn't read people and would never figure it out on her own.

Fortunately _he_ sure didn't feel guilty about it. As far as he was concerned there wasn't a man alive who could have resisted falling in love with his angry little princess.

She looked at him with a heart-meltingly coy expression. He smiled back, memorizing this moment. Pike would be fine. He'd probably discover country music, get over it that way.

He reached over, envelopping her hands in his. Lisbon smiled down at their intertwined fingers. Nothing had ever felt more real.

"I love you," he said, putting every ounce of feeling he could muster into it.


End file.
